Insanity

It is amazing how time flies. I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote anything. Our family had a fast paced summer. The family got to spend a lot of time at Lagoon and Lagoon-a-beach with the season passes that were given to us in by Grandpa and Nana McNeely. They have been well used and we had a blast. We also were able to go to the sand dunes once. It was a hot weekend, but nice to get away. The kids enjoyed swim lessons and any water they could find. Popsicles were eaten by the dozens. We visited the library every week. We had a fun filled trip to Bear Lake. That trip alone made for some unforgettable memories. Heather started graduate school and spent most of her nights up late studying, doing homework, and taking tests. She is still working full time at the University Hospital and sleeps a little during daytime hours. We survived the summer without any major accidents, those we saved up until school started.

The only way to explain this week is a crazy whirl-wind. Some might call it a tornado, but no one died, so I scaled it back. To start off, I started graduate school last week to get a doctoral degree as a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner and a Certified Nurse Midwife. It has been a goal to be an advanced practitioner for a long time and I can't believe I am finally making it happen. I have had many late nights and little sleep. I am sure it is just the beginning of more to come. I have had to let go of the house a little. That is so hard to do. I really struggle not having everything in its place. The laundry also takes longer to find its way back into the drawers of dressers and closets. It has come accustom to the couch. I am making baby steps with little projects to help my house be more organized; however, it may never be back to my previous standard until I am out of school.

I knew going into this program it would be hard. I have prepared myself for this for a long time. I don't think my family realized the sacrafices that it would entail. The amount of time in a day has been drastically shortened. I am still working full time at the hospital on Labor and Delivery. I am still work the graveyard shift so the kids don't seem to know that I am gone as often. But, it is taking a toll on my body and strength. I feel pulled tightly, in a multitude of directions and am just trying to find balance. The mommy role doesn't go away during the day, so I am often doing homework, readings, quizes, and an array of other tasks for school at night, after 9pm. I hope I will be able to cut back my hours at work soon and be able to have time to decrompress, or at least breath at the end of the night.

On the lighter side, I have met a very diverse group of women who are in my cohort. I really hope to get to know all of the better and be enlightened in their life's journey. I hope to gain new friendships and life long colleages through this short journey.

Now on to the chaos of the Scott household. Mitchell and Madilynne started school last Tuesday. Mitchell is now in 4th grade and Madilynne is in 1st grade. The first day of school, Madi saw a friend from last year, let go of my hand, and caught up with her friend, held hands, and they skipped down the hall together. She didn't even look back. My heart sunk a little....my little girl. She is growing faster than I am able to realize sometimes. I perked up, looked down at Mason still holding on to my hand and smiled. I had at least one of them holding my hand to keep me strong. It's not that I was going to miss her holding my hand, I just felt a sense of ackwardness. What was I supposed to do, just let go? She is only six. She still has so much to learn and grow. I want to walk with her every step along the way. But children don't only learn from the parents, they also learn from their school teachers, their friends, and through life's experiences.

Mitchell's first week of class of was bumpy, but to be expected. He has a difficult time with change and adapting to a new environment and routine. Overall, he has done okay. No violent outbursts were noted. He hasn't been to the office and the school is working on helping to intervene with his behavior before he peaks with frustration.

I really am getting closer to the chaos. So, the first week of school, a little excitement and thrill. Now on to week number two. Sunday night, I worked a graveyard shift and came home and slept. I only could sleep until about 1 pm and I got up and straightened up the house a bit and then went for a jog with the dog. I picked up Mason for my neighbors house and we were off to pick up carpool by 2:30 pm. When I pulled up in the carpool lane, Madilynne was teary. She climbed into the carpool and told me she hurt her arm falling off the monkey bars. She was guarding her arm and I didn't get a good look at it until after I dropped off the other kids at home from carpool. Her left arm was misshapen. I didn't want to alarm her, or the other kids, particularly Mitchell. I told Madilynne we needed to go get a picture of her arm and make sure she was okay. She broke down crying at the news of needing a picture. She wailed that she did not want to have surgery.

I tried to calm the crying six year old with an ice cream cone. Everyone in the car got an ice cream. We waited at the instacare to be seen for almost and hour before we even got an x-ray. While waiting, Madi watched her ice cream melt. She had not appetite for an ice cream. Odd. Then she proceeded to take a 45 minute nap in my arms. She was exhausted. We were finally seen by the doctor, almost 2 hours after arriving and were informed that Madi had broken her radius and ulna in her left arm. They were green stick fractures and she would need to be splinted with a sling, and then be seen by an orthopaedic next week. Oh joy! She was such a tough little girl. The nurses splinted her arm and a sling was placed around her. And we were off to make dinner, get Mitchell dressed for Kenpo, and get me a shower before heading off to work another 12 hour night shift.

I worked an extremely busy shift that night. No rest for the weary. I started out the shift as the charge nurse and had 25 week stop-and-drop twins come through the door with every room full. The night never slowed down. I felt like the whirl wind of the day continued long into the night and the next morning.

Madi awoken during the night in pain and Paul gave her pain medication, anti-inflammatories, and ice through out the night. I came home and got into bed around 930 and was awoken to the lawn being mowed at 1pm. I couldn't go back to sleep and had things to do. Homework, housework, exercise, a special meeting at the school with Mitchell's teacher, carpool, kid's homework, dinner, and the list goes on. I did all the duties of being mom and playing taxi. We even had a fairly good dinner. I then stayed up until 1 am doing homework and studying. Yeah, for late nights of insanity!

Wednesday came quickly, too quickly. Kids were gotten up and readied for school. Mason was a trooper to allow me to work on homework for a part of the morning. I had one afternoon class and rode the trax train for my first time to the University. It was a bit overwhelming to ride the train. I feel very unfamilar with public transportation but was just trying to find more time to work on studying. I made it to and from the University without a hiccup. When Madi came home from school she was whiny and complaining her elbow hurt. I was concerned the splint was not on right, or that she didn't have enough padding. Then she started to cry. I was even more concerned and we took her back to the instacare for them to adjust her splint. They placed more padding and she said it felt better.

Here we are on Thursday and I overslept. I might have turned off the alarm. JUMP! Everyone up and out the door in 17 minutes. It must be a new world record, at least at our house. I worked more on school and preparing for class. Did a little yard work, watered the garden and pulled a few weeds. What an overgrown jungle I have in my back yard. Not just the weeds, but the garden is screaming to be harvested. Does that mean I need to make salsas and spagetti sauce this weekend? I guess we will squeeze it in. I had an afternoon class and rode the train to and from. I had much less anxiety and was very productive in reading while riding. I don't recommend doing that while being the driver. Anyway, home again, for a peaceful night with the family at home. I thought we might harvest the garden and relax. WRONG! Mitchell was complaining his head hurt, he had a sore throat, and felt dizzy. Fever, check, 101. Okay, maybe we could wait it out til tomorrow and see if he feels better tomorrow. Then Madi was having problems with her splint again and crying even more that her elbow hurt. I gathered the two oldest kids and decided to kill two birds with one stone. Double doctor's visit and off we went.

Back to the instacare for another adjustment. Nope. Not another adjustment, we found what appears to be a pressure sore or allergic reaction to the splint on her inner elbow. Of course there was! Why would it go as planned. The disturbed skin had to be doctored up and a completely new splint had to be made to better accomodate her size. Home sweet home. It's passed bed time and no homework done yet. Everyone in jammies and off to bed.

I needed to decompress a little and thought a little journaling would put my mind at ease. I have to focus on the great things of this week! I have three breathing children that I love. I have spouse who is trying to help me as much as he can. (He even did the dishes tonight, brownie points!) Madi didn't get more hurt than a broken arm. Mitchell's doesn't have strep right now and his fever will break, eventually. I got to know a few of the women from my cohort this week and learn more about their families and the roles they currently assume in their own lives. I am grateful for my kids, my job, my husband, and my opportunity to go to school. I am blessed in so many ways and will continue to put one foot in front of the other. With Christ watching over me, or walking beside me, I can continue forward, ever forward. 

Rollin' On!

This last week has caused me to reflect a little more on the meaning and purpose of me and my place. We celebrated Mother's Day last week and I am so proud to have the privilege to be a mother. And at the same time, feel like I don't measure up to the expectations and demands placed on me. I had a wonderful role model growing up and can now see the multitude of sacrifices my mother made for me and my family. True love was shown through example. She was a wonderful example and continues to be. I love my mom!
So what is a mother to be....a person who unconditionally loves! My purpose is to love, not only my children, but others as well. I can only hope to open my heart and mind and help my children learn the importance of acceptance of others and how to be kind.

Other news this past week, Mason completed his first year of preschool and had his graduation program. He loved singing and reciting things that he had learned. He already misses not going to class. He is turning into such a boy and less of my cute little, rounded belly toddler. His speech has improved tremendously and he loves his stuffed animals.

Madilynne is nearing the end of her kindergarten year. She has loved school and excelled in her reading. She loves to role play and is a social bug. She is ecstatic to start swim lessons. And thrilled to celebrate her birthday with a bunch of girls and getting her ears pierced.

Mitchell is really looking forward to summer and having a break from school. He has had a roller coaster of a year, but overall is doing well. We just recently got results back from his psychologist and he has been diagnosed with Austism, Attention Deficit Disorder, Mild Depression, and a learning disability. Is IQ is 140! I never doubted he is a brilliant little boy, but the psychologist stressed over and over again how intelligent he is.

So where do we go from here? Forward, ever forward. Mitchell is a brilliant kid and I love that most about him. I see changes and progress in him on a daily basis. He is trying to connect to a world that doesn't quite understand him or how he thinks. I hope to help him adapt and learn how to function in a different world. I love his genuine curiosity and honesty in everyday life. He makes me reflect a lot in my life and for that I am grateful. I want him to be happy and treated kindly. I want people to see his potential and help foster his inquisitive mind. I hope we can help treat his mood and help him feel happiness more. I want him to succeed and be happy. I hope that isn't too much.

Paul is busy with work and more training. He has headed to St. George for more tracker training and outdoor surveillance. He is loving it and it is great to see him actively engaged and passionate about his job.

School started on Monday for me....and its going. I am still trying to feel my way back in. After nine years outside of the classroom I am struggling a bit. But Paul gave me a nice blessing to help calm my troubled soul and find balance in my life. He is my rock and best friend. I love him for that.

So today is a new day, after I take a nap. I have worked all night and need to rest my eyes for a few. I pray for the strength to accomplish all the tasks today and help my children know that they are loved and valued!

Count Down!

The count down has begun! One week and three days, until Mommy, me, is back in school. I feel the anxiety starting to calm and the pieces are falling into place better. Paul is very supportive and my parents have my back 100%. I had a sit down talk with Mitchell this last week about the changes that are coming and he seems to understand and hopefully will cope well.

With this new adventure being added into our already busy life I have found that one of my biggest struggles has been accepting the change that I have chosen. I discovered that with most of the bumps in the road of my life I tend to move forward. That is just the direction I have to take. I have to take what I have been given and move forward in the best way possible. But this change has been the hardest, by far. I made the choice. It wasn't forced upon me, I chose to make this change. I also didn't realize the major amount of changes this one choice would create for me and my family.

I now am facing a job change, switching my schedule, not seeing my friends from work as frequently, and juggling the kids more. It is weird I have to let go of Labor and Delivery in order to become a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner and Nurse Midwife. I have to change my position of leadership and comfort to become a learner again. Shifting my role to student, instead of teacher is exciting and humbling. I just pray everything will go well.

Paul has been so busy, gearing up for marijuana eradication in Southern Utah. And the kids are winding down the school year. Mitchell is finishing up third grade. I can't believe how quickly he is growing and changing. He stands at my shoulder right now, at the age of nine. I'm sure he will be my height by the time he is 12 or 13. I better keep stocking my pantry!

Madi is a social light. She needs to be in contact with someone at all times or have a planned play date waiting in the wings. She makes me laugh the amount of times a day she needs to change her outfit and do something different with her hair.

Mason is getting ready to finish his first year of preschool, and by far, my most easy going kid. He loves to hold small toys in his hands and is a cuddle bug to stuffed animals. He loves to be sung to every night. "The Lamanites Mom, the Lamanite song." he says every night! Ah, the simplicity of life! I love that my kids remind me of the simple things every day!

As a family, we are hoping to visit Mickey Mouse again this year over Thanksgiving. We will have to see what the finances hold in trying to budget for me going to Graduate school and the bare needs of clothes and food. But, Paul has a training opportunity there right before Thanksgiving and it would be a great opportunity for family time too. Let's hope he gets approved for the training.

A week of change

So many changes in life are occurring and it is slightly disturbing to my normal. Although I am use to many changes and riding the waves of life. I feel like I am in a spinning tornado, but by choice. I have chosen to go back to school to become a Nurse Practitioner and Midwife. I feel like I have made large strides in getting to where I am at, but have many more to conquer.

I am so thankful to have a supportive husband who realizes the importance of this change and supports me and holds me up at times. Okay, maybe a lot of times. When I cry in the garage and ask myself, "how am I going to do this?" He smiles and hugs me and just says, "You will do what you always do, you'll just do it." I love him forever and always.

I have to be honest though, Paul's job stresses me more than ever before. I keep a constant pray in my heart, night and day, for his safety. I love him so much and want to continue through this journey with him by my side.

Our three kids are growing faster with each passing day. They each bring their own unique challenges that makes me question frequently the lessons I have to learn from them.

Mitchell faces the challenges of everyday social interactions and how to calm his body during times of unease. Everyday is a challenge and sometimes he feels defeated and other days are a victory. He just found out that he gets to participate in safety patrol next year and he is extatic. He just turned 9 and is getting closer in height to his mother every day. Mitchell is doing better in kenpo and is working toward next belt level.

Madilynne is a beaming bright five year old with the spunk of a fire cracker. She is very independent and loving kindergarten. She is a great beginning reader and loves math. She is a social butterfly and loves to dress in pink and dresses. Her asthma seems to be well controlled right now. She is struggling a bit with headaches and we aren't sure of the cause of them now. They have lessened in intensity for her, but are still occurring frequently. We recently found out that her kidney reflux has worsened and she is in need of surgery. More to come with that later.

Mason just recently graduated from Speech therapy! Yah! Hi is a growing 4 year old with his own unique personality. When he speaks he wants to be heard clearly and without anyone else talking. He loves to play with his big brother and is a trooper, where ever mom needs to go. He loves to play with little hand held toys, hot wheels, and beyblades. After the second set of tubes, he seems to be hearing better. Let's hope they stay strong and he out grows the hearing problems!

As a family we are doing well. We work to together to keep the train moving. It may not always be clean, but it is moving.